10 things not to say to a new Mum

Rose-3 days old

I was chatting to a friend recently about how time flies when you’ve had a baby and reminiscing about what it’s like with your new and precious bundle. How sometimes people say the most inappropriate things. So I have compiled a list of a few of the ones that cropped up.

1. Oh my God, your baby is SO big! Like, it’s massive. When my baby was born she could only fit in those cute tiny baby clothes for weeks. She was so dainty and petite but your baby is HUUUGE. Wow!

Um ok thanks for insulting my ‘monster’ baby, who to me is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Yes I know she’s big. I had to push her out of my vagina! She’s still perfect to me, FYI.

2. Oh my God, your baby is SO small! Was he premature? You must be really worried that he’s going to get ill or something.

Yes, thanks for the observation and thoughts on the well-being of my baby. I know he’s small and yes I worry all the time that he might get ill, in fact the worry I feel consumes my thoughts most of the time but thanks for pointing that out.

3. I think they left one in there, you’re still so, well, fat *chuckle*

Yes, it’s 100% true. This was said to me a day after I’d had my oldest (Lewis) by a guy I used to work with. Who’s laughing now you fat, ageing, baldy man.

4. You’re breastfeeding? Well I couldn’t breastfeed because of X, Y and Z…

Yes I’m breastfeeding, please don’t try and make me feel bad about it because you couldn’t. Or tell me the horror stories of how hard it’s going to be, or that my nipples are going to bleed and fall off or frighten me into thinking my baby’s not ‘getting enough milk’ and please, please don’t tell me all the reasons and excuses as to why you couldn’t/wouldn’t breastfeed as I really couldn’t care less how you fed YOUR baby. The breastfeeding debate is really not something I can be bothered with.

5. You’re not breastfeeding? tsk tsk tsk

Really, it’s nothing to do with anyone else how you decide to feed your baby and your reasons for doing so. Although we all know ‘breast is best’ it’s not ideal for everyone and we should all respect that. Please don’t push your ideas and opinions on someone who is probably having a hard time about her decision as it is.

6. Isn’t your baby sleeping through the night yet. OMG. My baby was sleeping through the night from the first night and has been ever since.

My first thought would be to strangle whoever said that.

7. That’s a funny name..

This one is so rude! I can’t actually believe there are people who would say that. It’s not like you didn’t take months to chose a name that was special to you and your partner for someone to shoot you down in seconds with a comment like that. Come on people, when you get told the name. Even if it’s REALLY weird. Just smile and nod!

8. You’re going to do baby led weaning? I hope you know what to do with a choking baby.

Just because it’s not the way you did things doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way, but thanks for trying to scare me that my baby’s going to choke to death. Good one! We did blw and can promise there was absolutely no choking.

9. She is the absolute double and I mean spitting image of her father isn’t she. I mean it’s like a mini him. I can’t believe it she doesn’t look like you AT ALL. 

I don’t know if it’s just me, but this one really bugs me. I don’t care if it’s true and she is the double of her father. I’m probably being silly and maybe I was emotional after carrying a baby around for 9 months and then giving birth but this hurt my feelings a lot. If it’s that obvious how much a baby looks like their father and you feel the need to point that out, maybe say something nice as well like, she/he has your eyes though.

10. I wore my size 10 jeans home from the hospital after giving birth. How are you doing on losing some of that baby weight?

Well I am sorry we can’t all be a perfect bloody size 10, hours after giving birth. Isn’t it blindingly obvious, I’m still blown up like a big fat balloon, thanks for caring. Not. I hate you.

The moral of the story is, if in doubt. Don’t ask questions or give well-meaning ‘advice’. Just say

”Congratulations, your baby is beautiful”


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  • Julie S.

    Written on 21st January 2015


    Goodness, people do say the stupidest things to each other. Everyone has their own methods and there is just too much mom shaming or mom guilt out there.

  • Kate Tunstall

    Written on 29th April 2016


    What is WRONG with people?! I wrote a whole series about stupid comments from before, during and after pregnancy – some overlap but also some new ones here!

    Your response to no. 1 cracked me up! And I’m in shock about the content from your ex-colleague! If it’s any consolation, a fat man I worked with asked me if my baby was planned…

    Great post hun xxxx

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