I have learnt over the years to become confident even if I am not. My number one tip would be even if you don’t feel confident you can fake it and I promise you, no one will know the difference.
I am by nature an extrovert-always the one with her hand up first in class, always offering to read aloud and ALWAYS auditioning for the main part in the school play.
That was me.
Then real life happened and a few things I was not prepared for, namely having children and the feelings of constant self-doubt, the need to measure up to other mums- a double whammy for me as not only did I feel as though I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was going on, most other mums I mixed with were older than me and seemed to ooze confidence.
Little did I know at the time but they were probably feeling just as inadequate as I was yet on the surface were gliding seemingly effortlessly like swans.
So on to my first point: if you look confident on the outside you will appear that way, even if beneath it all you are furiously paddling to keep afloat. The more confidence you exude the better people will reciprocate and in turn this will help you to feel a lot calmer on the inside.
You’ve got this!
When there have been times in my life where I have really needed to suck it up, perhaps a meeting at the children’s school, a conference, a face to face meeting with a business client. In order to feel confident and courageous I often ‘borrow’ it from someone else.
For example, I will choose someone who appears to me as super confident and try and think about how they would approach the situation. What would they say or do when faced with the same set of circumstances as me? It could be a friend, a relative or even a celebrity but try and imagine in that moment you are them and get in their mindset, it might sound a little crazy but it really does work!
I believe the more you ‘fake’ confidence the more confident you truly become. Borrowing someone else’s manner and applying it to yourself is a great way to teach yourself confidence, recognising the good feelings you get when you are perceived a certain way and using that coping mechanism the next time you need it.
Appearance for me is also key in helping me to feel super confident on the outside. I personally would always rather be overdressed, because that’s what makes me feel confident. Hair and makeup done, a nice dress and a pair of heels help to make up the person that I am. That’s not to say you should dress in that way; you should wear whatever you are most comfortable in. The last thing you want is to end up feeling awkward as that will counteract any confidence you are trying to display.
Try and remember that most people struggle with confidence or feel nervous at some point in their lives, even if they appear one way on the outside what’s under the surface could be a different story altogether.
Confidence is the acceptance of believing in yourself, your ability to accomplish what you set out to achieve, your ability to practice self-assuredness. If you’re open to owning these feelings then others will believe it too.
Own it, know your worth and be good to yourself.
You can also try some positive affirmations. I realise that sounds a bit touchy-feely, but I really believe it works. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself:
- ‘I have the confidence and the ability to achieve what I set out to do’
- ‘I am open to meeting strangers and approach them with a smile and enthusiasm’
- ‘Self-confidence makes me thrive and is exciting, nothing is impossible’
- ‘I face difficult situations with the courage and conviction to overcome my fears’
You just have to believe and focus; you are amazing, talented, interesting and CONFIDENT.
Now go get ’em!