How to be confident (even if you have to fake it)

Woman standing in a field holding balloons

I have learnt over the years to become confident even if I am not. My number one tip would be even if you don’t feel confident you can fake it and I promise you, no one will know the difference.

I am by nature an extrovert-always the one with her hand up first in class, always offering to read aloud and ALWAYS auditioning for the main part in the school play.

That was me.

Amy Treasure

Then real life happened and a few things I was not prepared for, namely having children and the feelings of constant self-doubt, the need to measure up to other mums- a double whammy for me as not only did I feel as though I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was going on, most other mums I mixed with were older than me and seemed to ooze confidence.

Little did I know at the time but they were probably feeling just as inadequate as I was yet on the surface were gliding seemingly effortlessly like swans.

So on to my first point: if you look confident on the outside you will appear that way, even if beneath it all you are furiously paddling to keep afloat. The more confidence you exude the better people will reciprocate and in turn this will help you to feel a lot calmer on the inside.

You’ve got this!

When there have been times in my life where I have really needed to suck it up, perhaps a meeting at the children’s school, a conference, a face to face meeting with a business client. In order to feel confident and courageous I often ‘borrow’ it from someone else.

For example, I will choose someone who appears to me as super confident and try and think about how they would approach the situation. What would they say or do when faced with the same set of circumstances as me? It could be a friend, a relative or even a celebrity but try and imagine in that moment you are them and get in their mindset, it might sound a little crazy but it really does work!

I believe the more you ‘fake’ confidence the more confident you truly become. Borrowing someone else’s manner and applying it to yourself is a great way to teach yourself confidence, recognising the good feelings you get when you are perceived a certain way and using that coping mechanism the next time you need it.

Appearance for me is also key in helping me to feel super confident on the outside. I personally would always rather be overdressed, because that’s what makes me feel confident. Hair and makeup done, a nice dress and a pair of heels help to make up the person that I am. That’s not to say you should dress in that way; you should wear whatever you are most comfortable in. The last thing you want is to end up feeling awkward as that will counteract any confidence you are trying to display.

Try and remember that most people struggle with confidence or feel nervous at some point in their lives, even if they appear one way on the outside what’s under the surface could be a different story altogether.

Confidence is the acceptance of believing in yourself, your ability to accomplish what you set out to achieve, your ability to practice self-assuredness. If you’re open to owning these feelings then others will believe it too.

Woman standing in a field holding balloons

Own it, know your worth and be good to yourself.

You can also try some positive affirmations. I realise that sounds a bit touchy-feely, but I really believe it works. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself:

  • ‘I have the confidence and the ability to achieve what I set out to do’
  • ‘I am open to meeting strangers and approach them with a smile and enthusiasm’
  • ‘Self-confidence makes me thrive and is exciting, nothing is impossible’
  • ‘I face difficult situations with the courage and conviction to overcome my fears’

You just have to believe and focus; you are amazing, talented, interesting and CONFIDENT.

Now go get ’em!

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Comments

  • Mummy Tries

    Written on 12th June 2015

    Reply

    Another gem of a post hon. I’m a big believer in positive affirmations, and talk about the importance of confidence in my book. If you fancy me sending you a copy to review give me a shout my lovely, I think you’d like it (and it’s a small read, only 116 pages) xx
    Mummy Tries recently posted…Some Things are Written in the StarsMy Profile

  • Angela at daysinbed

    Written on 2nd December 2015

    Reply

    These are fab tips. I need to fake it till I become more confident in the things I do and these affirmations and ideas will help! Angela

  • Alexandra @imeverymum

    Written on 3rd December 2015

    Reply

    Great post Hun :) you definitely exude confidence now. It’s important to know how to fake it when we need to. Helps the children watching us to be confident too. Brilliant tips xx

  • Kate Tunstall

    Written on 23rd January 2016

    Reply

    I sort of love it when someone who appears perfectly poised admits to feeling inadequate. ;) It gives me hope!

    Saying that, I have a mask that I slip on when I need to be taken seriously. My guts will probably be secretly churning, but I’ll make sure I nail a firm handshake and eye contact! Xxx
    Kate Tunstall recently posted…There’s No Parenting Manual. Or Is There?My Profile

  • Jackie

    Written on 23rd June 2016

    Reply

    Fabulous advice. It takes strength to fake confidence then actually achieve it and you are one strong lady.

  • Helen

    Written on 24th June 2016

    Reply

    I completely agree that the way you feel about how you look can have a big impact on your confidence. If you feel good in what you’re wearing then it always helps. Since becoming mummy I’ve found my confidence increasing – I think it’s all to do with the incredible amount of respect I now have for my body…it created a human being! #TheList

    Helen x

    http://www.treasureeverymoment.co.uk/

  • Geraldine

    Written on 24th June 2016

    Reply

    Gosh it’s easier said than done though. Faking it is the only way I can manage in stressful situations but sometimes the introvert wins and it’s hard to control. But great advice #ablogginggoodtime

  • Helena

    Written on 24th June 2016

    Reply

    I admire you for revealing your personal story about battling with a lack of confidence when it comes to parent evenings etc. Thanks for hosting #TheList
    Helena recently posted…Happy Days: In HospitalMy Profile

  • Mackenzie Glanville

    Written on 25th June 2016

    Reply

    I love this advice. I am the opposite I am an introvert, I have had to fake it many times, but now I am much more confident in my own skin and so I feel good just being me, my quirky self. #Thelist
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…what if you are enough?My Profile

  • Mummy here and there

    Written on 25th June 2016

    Reply

    Fab post! I have social anxiety disorder and really struggle not to worry about what others think. Definately think settong your mindset helps ease the situation and remembering that you are properly not alone in thinking this way. I do love the saying, ‘ you’ve got to fake it until you can make it’. #thelist

  • Joanna @mumbalance

    Written on 26th June 2016

    Reply

    I am quite shy by nature and meeting new people is not the easiest thing for me. What really helped me was working as Guest Relations in a 5 star hotel. I just slipped into that role and I was no longer shy :) It’s like a game!
    #thelist
    Joanna @mumbalance recently posted…Zero Waste Challenge – week 3My Profile

  • wendy

    Written on 26th June 2016

    Reply

    Great post and I love that picture. I try my best to be confident but it can be really difficult as a naturally shy person. I am getting better at faking it though and sometimes I find myself nit having to fake it at all. It all depends on the situation. I love those positive affirmations, will trying them put next time I have to do something that scares me xx #TheList
    wendy recently posted…Could my second pregnancy be turning me into a bad Mum?My Profile

  • An imperfect mum (Catie)

    Written on 26th June 2016

    Reply

    Great post – we all need to fake it at times and I totally agree that if you look the part it can help immensely. I see my clothes and make-up as a type of armour when I’m going into battle. #thelist
    An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…My Sunday PhotoMy Profile

  • Plutonium Sox

    Written on 26th June 2016

    Reply

    Some brilliant tips there Amy. I’m always a little bit unsure about the fake it til you make it mantra – I’m very much what you see is what you get, I’d rather come across as unsure than as false. I love your tips about knowing your worth and stopping to think about what someone you look up to would do though. Nat.x
    Plutonium Sox recently posted…I don’t agree with your opinionMy Profile

  • Lizzie firstooth

    Written on 27th June 2016

    Reply

    I love when people say they feel a little insecure sometimes too, it’s a horrible feeling and when I met you, you seemed super confident and absolutely gorgeous. I believe in faking it until you make it, I sometimes think in my head ‘they’re not me’ when I worry about different situations, I can’t explain it but it works. I do the same as you too and picture how a confident person (or so they would seem) would deal with a situation. So lovely to meet you xx
    Lizzie firstooth recently posted…The Britmums Live ExperienceMy Profile

  • Mim

    Written on 28th June 2016

    Reply

    Brilliant, brilliant tips here – and I’m completely the same about preferring to be over- than under-dressed when I need confidence. I’m a bit fan of faking it til I make it – it really does work! x #TheList
    Mim recently posted…My Post Cancer Bucket ListMy Profile

  • Coral

    Written on 28th June 2016

    Reply

    This is such an empowering post! Great idea to borrow confidence from someone else. I have a friend who is super confident and, instead of wishing I could be more like her, I’ll try borrowing from her instead!!

  • Jodie

    Written on 29th June 2016

    Reply

    This is so relevant. I am naturally extremely shy. I always have been but I’ve had an attitude to kind of make up for the shyness when I was at school. Now I’m older, I have been practicing in pretending to be confident and take big deep breaths before I go into a place I feel uneasy about. Great tips!

  • Crummy Mummy

    Written on 30th June 2016

    Reply

    This is all so true! I had to fake it when I was younger as we moved around a lot because my dad was in the military and I went to a new school every two years…faking is easy when you know how! #thelist

  • Silly Mummy

    Written on 30th June 2016

    Reply

    Such good advice. I am a natural introvert. Which does not in itself automatically also imply shyness or low self esteem or confidence. But I happen to be all of those, and therefore tend to be quite withdrawn and distant. That said, I evidently do manage to fake some kind of outward appearance of confidence, I am told, and therefore people do not generally think I seem shy – they think I seem aloof. Not necessarily an improvement! But faking a confidence that actually aids interaction with others I am not so good at! I think a lot of people who seem confident are really just faking it, and therefore definitely agree that is the way forward! #thelist
    Silly Mummy recently posted…The Toddlers: STILL Supporting Brexit?My Profile

  • Lisa (mummascribbles)

    Written on 1st July 2016

    Reply

    Brilliant post! It’s funny because if I was going to do what you said about using someone else’s confidence- it’s the confidence that I think you have that I would imagine!

    I’m with you on the make up and dressed up bit for sure. I mean I pretty much don’t leave the house without make your on for that reason!

    Thanks for sharing and sorry it’s taken me so long to comment from last week’s #TheList
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…Working mums – Life, Motherhood & EverythingMy Profile

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