The Mumsnet forum: AIBU to despise it?

Am I being Unreasonable?

Oh Mumsnetters you bunch of divs, you’ve been at it again. We bloggers have forums too, you know (except we can spell). Every now and then someone will pop a link to one of the Mumsnet threads, just so we can all have a good laugh.

They are often totes hilare. The one about the elderly Korean lady in someone’s garden. That was funny.

The latest spouting off about despising mummy blogs? Not so much.

YABU.

The Mumsnetter that posed the question went on to explain that she was ‘aghast’ and that the blogs seemed so ‘bitter and twisted’.

Hmm. Pot, kettle, black…

Is this really a bit like how I despise the girl at the gym? Come on ‘fess up.

Gym Girl has a wonderfully tight ass and tits that don’t move even when she whips her Sweaty Betty bralette off in the changing rooms. I am actually insanely jealous of Gym Girl, I’ll admit it.

Is that what this is all about? 

Is it because you want your own blog? Because maybe if you wrote one of your own you could show us all exactly where we’re going wrong.

Your question invited a barrage of mummy blog bashing to the tune of: ‘Step the fuck away from the mummy blogs’ and ‘It’s all self-indulgent twaddle’ My personal favourite ‘my friend has just started an instagram style one and it’s cringey as fuck’ Wow you’re a nice friend. ‘Oh and her husband is an absolute c**t to her and she’s miserable as anything but conveys a #yummymummy #hubby #mygorgeousfamily instagram life’

Did it even occur to that particular potty-mouth (who uses the phrase c**t with absolute abandon) that maybe her friend – and I use that term loosely – whose husband is treating her like a c**t is using Instagram as a coping mechanism? As a way to retain a semblance of control in her otherwise miserable life? I guess not. Instead, she spends her time viciously tapping away bitching to a forum full of people she’s probably never even met when her real life friend is going through hell and back.

Shame on you.

Mumsnetters: you ask where mummy bloggers get their free time from to write this shit you love to read – but pretend not to read – you want to know why we’re not playing with our kids? And yet, YOU seem to be able to find the time to sit on a forum wasting what? Minutes, hours, bitching and moaning about other women. And FYI there are a lot, and I mean a lot of us earning an amazing living from this drivel. It’s called work.

Thank-you-very-much for the extra page views.

Let me tell you something about mummy (and daddy) bloggers.

Two years ago, an image of a small dead boy washed up on a beach hit the news. For many – rightly or wrongly – it was the catalyst to try and do something. To try and help. To try and invoke one tiny iota of change.

Within 24 hours of that image appearing on our newsfeeds, a group of bloggers put their heads together and launched a huge charity campaign. We raised more than £8000.

Last year a fellow blogger organised an auction for another blogger, who’s son was in need of a costly life-changing wheelchair. Something that was a desperate necessity but unaffordable. Guess what? He got his wheelchair.

Two weeks ago a hugely respected blogger, talented writer and author who has devastatingly suffered YEARS of domestic violence put out a call asking bloggers for help after the roof caved in on the women’s refuge she was staying in. There were several other vulnerable women and children in crisis too. The council wanted to remove the women from the borough where they felt safe and displace them to another where they had literally been threatened with their lives. Several hundreds of retweets later and within two hours a Guardian journalist was on the doorstep. By the following morning, a story in print, an MP and the Mayor involved. A backtrack from the council. The women and children are safe.

I could go on.

Would you like to know why I started this blog? My story is the same for so many of us. It is so much more than mummy blogging. I began writing from a broken place and slowly, slowly over the years I have shared my narrative of survival, of finding inner strength, of dogged determination. (Oh and I also have a rip off of Nigella’s lemon drizzle that does exceptionally well.) I’ve mended myself and this blog has even been a place of solace for others when they’ve needed it. Please, don’t call it ‘drivel’ or ‘twaddle’ or any of the other insults you like to bandy about.

It is so much more than that.

What you’ve done is make a sweeping judgement and good God I’ve had my fair share of women that judge. I’m so sick of keyboard warriors, hiding behind the safety of your iPhones and laptops. If we met at the school gates wearing our matchy matchy Boden tees and gold Saltwater sandals. Because hey, let’s not pretend you haven’t been shopping my Instagram. Something tells me you wouldn’t have the neck to say you despise me to my face.

So, AIBU when I tell you to Kiss. My. Ass? 

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Comments

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 12th August 2017

      Reply

      Hey no crying allowed! You are awesome, we are awesome and anyone that has the time to sit about complaining about it can do one xxxx

  • Lucy Melissa Smith

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Oh Amy, I love you so much. This is absolutely perfect. Stop being jealous and bore off because WE DON’T CARE about your shitty, close-minded, vindictive opinions! *yawn* xx

  • Wave to Mummy

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    What a fabulous post! I read the thread too, and while I do understand not everyone likes mummy blogs (hey, even I only like a select few of them!) Some of the comments were particularly bitter and judgemental.

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 12th August 2017

      Reply

      Yeah totally, of course not everyone has to like them but like you say those threads are notorious for getting really nasty!

  • Katy

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Oh Amy, this is just spot on. Brilliant post. My blog – and the article I wrote for my local paper – has actually changed hospital and council policy after my friend’s stillborn baby’s grave was dug up with no warning for another baby to be buried on the same plot. I’m proud that I’ve helped spare another mummy the heartache she experienced. Bloggers can and do make a difference. Xx

  • Katie

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    I think I might actually love you. That’s what my blog is doing. It’s fixing me. Fixing places I didn’t even know were broken. Also kiss my ass? Hilare. Big middle finger to the mumsnet thread hos xxx

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 12th August 2017

      Reply

      Oh Katie, I am exactly the same. My blog has helped me put things to bed that have happened years ago, things I didn’t even know has such a huge impact on my life but sharing has been so important for my mental health. Keep doing what you’re doing and everyone else can kiss your sweet ass! ;-) xxx

  • Laura

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    I was going to reply to that thread too but could never have put it so well. I think people forget that half the time they send Google a ‘help’ question regarding their kids they probably get comfort from one of us open bloggers that DON’T just wrote how amazing our lives are and often it’s quite the opposite. They don’t realise it’s a job and having slogged away at nights in a supermarket so I could spend exhausting days with my baby, my blog and any earnings have completely saved me. Part of me thinks they don’t deserve the recognition of a reply for being so rude and small minded, but you’ve put it beautifully. I’m sure if they had any idea what bloggers actually are and do, then they would be straight for searching ‘how do I start a blog’ and no doubt reading one of those same blogs they despise to start their own. Women like that are what’s wrong with being a Mum, not us. It’s those judgemental twats that can’t see further than the end of their nose. Xx

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 12th August 2017

      Reply

      Such an amazing comment Laura – I think you should write a response! You are so right, I do think a lot of it is jealousy that bloggers can be successful at doing something they deem pointless but the fact is we have an audience and most importantly a voice. Women have been sharing stories since they could write it’s always been a vital way of passing information to each other. I was really annoyed by that thread because it was so small-minded and it seems to me like the person that started it quite fancies her own blog! xx

  • Teresa

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Absolutely loved this! I don’t think people realise how much courage and heart goes into running a blog.

  • Sabina Green

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    I love this post, the trouble with non-bloggers is they really don’t know what the blogging world is all about or what goes into a blog. All they see is ‘free stuff’ and think we are bunch of blaggers which is so far from the truth. I personally don’t ‘get’ forums, I have tried them a couple of times but have mostly just found them to be a bitch-fest and a waste of my time but they may say differently, I say each to their own :-)

  • Mrs H

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Oh Amy, this is absolutely brilliant. I have to admit that I hate forums like that. It is just an excuse for a bitch fest. This post was just what I needed to read to remind me why I blog. And why being a mummy blogger is so blooming awesome. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  • Lucie Aiston

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    YES!!! THIS!!!! Perfectly written!! Bloggers are awesome…. forum based internet trolls however are not!! I bloody love this post!!!

  • Nat @ Intolerant Gourmand

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    This!!
    Absolutely fantastic! Thank you from all of us Amy, you’ve said perfectly what we all are thinking!
    And I think the quote of the weekend has to be ‘AIBU when I tell you to Kiss. My. Ass’ x

  • Louise

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    This is the reason I stay away from forums like this. But well done for standing up for all the mummy bloggers out there. You are all amazing in your own special ways :)

    Louise x

  • Sally Kent

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    And this is why Mummy bloggers (Daddy and Granny too) are awesome. In one post I smiled, I laughed, I got right there with you, I felt my eyes fill and my heart soar. Thank you Amy. AIBU to say if you don’t like it then scroll on by?

  • Becky | The Family Beehive

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Spot on Amy. It can be so easy to get sucked in to those sorts of forums (especially the ones with the click-bait titles) but it always ends up with me saying “what the actual fuck??”. x

  • Sarah

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    I don’t mind mumsnet the site, but there is something about the forums that really wind me up, your parenting opinions don’t matter unless you share it on a forum! I was in a similar forum on Baby center which the admins with their heads so far up their arses and refused any acknowledgement of Facebook or other social media..

    Idiotic people.. great post!!

  • Emma lander

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    I read and ran before so ha e just come back because this deserved a comment. I honestly think it is a mixture of ignorance and jealousy because people in general don’t understand how blogging works and think we just get send free stuff for nothing.
    Having said that, I was always taught that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It seems like this is needed more than ever.
    Absolutely brilliant post. I just hope the keyboard warriors see it

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 14th August 2017

      Reply

      The whole thread read like jealousy to me and I’m staggered they don’t do something more constructive with their time to be honest! Thanks so much for coming back to comment Emma! I REALLY am hoping they see this but something tells me I’m not making Mumsnet blog of the day haha

  • Clare Nicholas

    Written on 12th August 2017

    Reply

    Yes yes yes

    Nodding in agreement to all this. Bloggers are awesome……heck I busted out of a plane to raise money for The Lullaby Trust with a group of other bloggers in memory of Matilda-Mae and completed a race for life with my daughter raising lots of money for Cancer Research the day after my mother in law passed away.

    They can moan all they like but we rock

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 14th August 2017

      Reply

      Clare I remember when you did both those things, I am totally in awe of what you’ve done for charity. Thanks so much for reading lovely x

  • Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    Written on 13th August 2017

    Reply

    This is a great post, Amy! I think lots of snidey comments come from the fact that blogging is so misunderstood, and so many people have no idea how it works as career. I get it though- the nature of a lot of blogging is quite self-indulgent (hey, we get paid to talk about ourselves and anything we want!), but on the other side of the coin blogging has been SO good for so many women (and men) in so many ways and reasons that many just won’t ‘get’. I suspect there are people I know in ‘real life’ who possibly talk about what I do and make fun behind my back, but I’m not overly bothered- we have a lovely life and experiences because of what I do so I will never apologise for that! x

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 14th August 2017

      Reply

      It is totally misunderstood! I do also agree in that it’s self-indulgent but aren’t we lucky?! I know full-well people laugh about mine but really they should be laughing on the other side of their faces about all of us, hey? x

  • MindfulMummyMission

    Written on 13th August 2017

    Reply

    Superbly said – Just recently I’ve felt a few sneers from people I know about my blog. I’m a teacher, apparently I’m not allowed to be open about lots of things – including my own mental health – and yet I find the blog so cathartic even when it definitely isn’t warts and all…..I love having it and I love being a part of this community. My Instagram feed is very amateur and yet there are bloggers who are very loyal to always giving a photo a like…..this is on the contrary to some ‘real’ people I know who are constantly on IG but who give me the impression of being too above liking my feed….I don’t even know where this rant came from but I think it’s a long similar lines to what you’re saying – my blog helps my wellbeing, I’m not trying to be indulgent. Xx

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 14th August 2017

      Reply

      Oh I hear you! It always amazes me that people can’t be bothered to stop and like it only takes 2 seconds. I’m so glad your blog has been helpful for your well-being, that is so important. Lord knows I totally overshare on here but it has helped me immensely. Thanks so much for reading and sharing xx

  • Bec Webb

    Written on 14th August 2017

    Reply

    Amazing response Amy! I don’t read the mumsnet forums, and didn’t know admit this until I read another bloggers post about it yesterday – I’m shocked! These other women are also mums, are they raising their children to also be judgemental online bullies?? Because that’s what it is. Bullying and shaming. Shame on them. Idiots.

  • Mandi

    Written on 14th August 2017

    Reply

    Brilliant post and so true, I actually do pity the women on this forum as their lives must be so dull and mundane that they feel the need to sit and bitch about anything and everything. I have made some of my best friends through blogging, I have been part of some amazing campaigns (although dressing as Mrs Incredible and a giant red parrot are probably the most memorable) and helped raise lots of money for charity. When I have had real life problems, a group of bloggers are the ones who have listened and understood, so a huge round of applause for you and a swift kick of reality for the mumsnetters blogger haters x

    • Amy Treasure

      Written on 14th August 2017

      Reply

      Wow the campaigns you’ve been a part of sound incredible I truly commend anyone that gives their time up for charity and bloggers are especially good at that. I’m so glad you’ve had the support you’ve needed from bloggers – that’s really lovely to hear x

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